My theme for English 3

Dr. Preston said-

Go home and post on
your blog tonight
And answer these questions
about you because only
you know whats true.




Am i the person my teacher thinks?
That depends. If he thinks i'm one of those "nice" and "hardworking" students then no, not even close. I swear i have multiple personality disorder, i'm studious in class, sassy at lunch and lazy at home.  Most of my teachers think i'm this sweet and polite teenage girl who spends a lot of time doing her homework. Well if any of them are reading this, you've been punk'd and you need to stop trippin'. I can be nice and i'm sometimes a hard worker. I'm the type of girl who acts a certain way when she feels like it. I choose to act "nice." in Dr. Prestons' class and i feel like i should try hard on the work he assigns me. So i guess i could say i am who my teacher thinks i am, for the most part. (;

Can i be who i really am as i pursue knowledge and find my place in the world?
Ok so let's get one thing straight, i'm real with everyone i meet and i stay real with whatever situation comes my way. I make an effort to keep it 100% with everybody but because im a little "overwhelming." i have to baby step some people into understanding me. The real me you ask? The real me knows that the sky has no limit and if i put my best effort into it i can do the impossible and reach that "non-existent" limit. Knowledge is easier to obtain when the person who is trying to obtain is actually wants to gain it and without knowledge on some type of subject, you really can't find your place in this world. You need some type of skill or understanding not everybody has and sometimes it takes awhile to realize what that skill is. I'm still young, regardless of the fact that i "keep it real." i still don't really understand who i really am. That's why i can't/don't act a specific way everywhere, everyday. So back to the question.. Can i be who i really am as i pursure knowledge and find my place in the world? I can't give a solid answer until i figure out who i really am and if that person will be able to be real with everyone else as i am with myself right now.

What elements do i have to check at the gate when i get to school?
I'm not 100% about what this question is asking but i know my mom tells me to check my attitude before i walk into school. School supplies, books, binders, etc. don't really matter when i'm at school if my heads not in the correct place. Mindset is most definitely an element i need to check before i walk through my schools gate.

Do i have interests, talents, or experiences that could add to the meaning of my class and enrich the learning experience for me and others?
Do you guys remember what i said earlier about me not fully understanding who i am? Because of that questions like this really stumble me. I don't personally think i do anything too important that's going to make any impact on the class. My interests change almost every day, my talents are rusty and experience wise? Don't even get me started. 

What elements of me do i think are valued by school and the "powers-that-be"?
See here we go with another one of those questions about myself. Let me think..I have a really good memory. I knocked out the "English 3" poem in 3 hours while i was watching TV, eating, doing chemistry and texting. If i wasn't multitasking so obsessively and taken it a lot more seriously i could knocked it out in under an hour. Besides memory the only real "element" i have that has benefited the schools and the "powers-that-be" (whatever that is.) is my ability to make people feel welcome. Though i have a lot of "anti-social tendencies." I put my best foot forward to help people make friends so they don't end up hating ( i know it's a strong word!) how i tend to sometimes. (I don't really hate people, i just get annoyed with them after awhile.) I can't really think of anything else at the moment about my "elements" only because there are still a lot of needles and stitches needed to patch up a lot of them.!

What do i feel compelled to keep private?
Can i be real with ya'll? Like this is some #RealTalk that's about to go down. I'll take the fact that you're still reading this semi-long blog post as a yes. I tend to keep a lot of things private, i can honestly say there is nobody on this planet who knows absolutely everything about me. I assign everyone different bits and pieces about my personality. I guess you could say i struggle with trust issues. I trust people but never completely. I've always been the girl who would rather toughen it out and fight her own battles but just like any other human, i get defeated. So there are times where i end up telling someone something about me just so i can get my head back in the game and get myself together not particularly because i want to tell them but because i feel like if i don't get some type of comfort i wont live to see another day. Though i don't expect anyone to make a movie about my personal life and thoughts, what goes on in my head is like a diary, except this diary is melted shut, covered in multiple chains, thrown in a heavily guarded area at the bottom of the ocean. The only person who ever opens the book besides me is God. He's the only one who i can allow to read it without feeling judged and confused. Hell, my life is private to me!  So many things run through it and i can hardly keep in. Everything's private to me. My personal and social life. 

Anyways, enough with the super serious stuff (;  
I'm a private person, it's just how i roll!

Is it possible for me to take ownership of my learning process and demonstrate what i know, or is my role in learning a function of authority and power relationships?
I like to be independent, be my own person. If authority was an option it wouldn't be a big roll apart of my life but in all honesty, i have this condition called "procrastination", so leaving me in charge of my learning process would involve me, my bed and 19 hours of sleep a day. Luckily for me i'm currently working on this cure so i can do what i do best and live my own life. If i had a serious work ethic and a consistent hard-working mindset (and i'm getting there!) i feel like i'd be more than capable to take over my own education, i just need to grow up and start realizing i need to be more responsible to make it in the real world.

Comparing my life to the poem "Theme for English B"
Considering the fact that there are only about 15 black students at Righetti high school i can say i relate in a few ways.
"I am the only colored student in my class." That line right there, hits deep with a lot of black teenagers, kids, and adults who live in Santa Maria. All my life I've been lucky to have just one other black kid in the same class as me throughout school. It sucks, when you're growing up as a black teen and you know there aren't many people "like you." where you live. The fact that my parents rarely let me out of the house is another problem, i never get to meet black kids at other schools or other cities, and the ones i do are normally typical ghetto potheads (just sayin'.) The only black teenagers i know live in different cities, states or attend Righetti, and they all know what it's like growing up black in a white neighborhood. Watching the movie Roots and having everyone stare at you, people commenting on your hair or body shape, the constant assumptions about us (gang bangin' alcoholics who all get high and sleep around is a very common one.), the racism. So this was a line that i could honestly relate to and feel for, i've lived it.

"I guess being colored doesn't make me NOT like the same things other folks like who are other races."
Oh lord is that the truth.!! People in Santa Maria act like just because i'm black that it means that i only eat fried chicken and drink Kool-aid for every meal and feel shocked when they see me eating a taco or put mayonnaise on my sandwich. Being black doesn't affect my interests and preferences. I like going to the beach, mexican food, going to the pool, and wearing red without representing some stupid gang. Yes.! I AM BLACK! but that doesn't change the fact that i'm still human. I can't lie, i do tend to act out a lot of typical black stereotypes but it doesn't change that God made me just like everyone else. There are things i like and there are things I hate, get it in your head.

"although you are older---and white---and somewhat more free." I hate to focus on all the racial quotes but this is what i can personally relate to. I'm mainly focusing on the "somewhat more free." part of the sentence because i'm starting to realize that some black people feel and are really restricted out here. My family's ran into "white only" churches or i've applied to places that don't want to hire me because of my skin color. As a young black woman i have gotten looked down on a lot. I've been told i wasn't pretty or smart enough, and even though i can joke about it now, it used to be a real struggle for me. My family and friends have dealt with a lot of racism living in this town. We've literally gotten pulled over by cops for literally walking down the street in a group and looking "suspicious". Even my older sisters don't like going to local bars or clubs because people want to approach us with racial slurs and hurtful names. It's hard not to feel like white people have it easier out here. They get hired faster and often get brought up easier, I've had to work so hard and prove so many people wrong about who i am. It took years of anger, confusion, and tears to realize it but regardless of my skin color i know that i am a beautiful, intelligent young black women and i WILL NOT be be held back by the constraints this town holds on my for my skin tone. 

This poem may have seemed boring, long and stupid to memorize but when you read it in someone else's shoes, it's easy to see how real this 1951 reality still is.


So this is my blog post for English 3.
2013